Mosey
Mosey was a young short-order cook at one of the many diners at the time and worked under Phil the Night Manager. At the diner, Mosey grew tired of the mistreatment and long hours working there so he quit to become a pirate. This caught the FSM's attention. Years later, the FSM, who was tired of Phil's mistreatment of the short-order cooks and was in a generally bad mood, found Mosey camping out in the desert, sprawling out plans for a huge pirate ship, aka the Lasagne. The FSM then spoke to Mosey through a burnt marshmallow and commanded Mosey to lead the short-order cooks out from Phil's control. The FSM made Mosey to hire the cooks and start a restaurant of his own, preferably one that specialized in foods more to His liking. "Maybe call it the Olive Garden. You could manage the kitchen staff," said the FSM. But when Mosey returned to the diner, Phil refused to release the short-order cooks' last paycheck if they followed Mosey. This angered the FSM, causing him to bring three plagues on Phil. # A rain of spaghetti sauce. # A hail of linguine. # Repetitively playing Kid Abyssinia's hit rap "I'm the Makkeda Daddy" in Phil's head. Phil relented which led the short-order cooks to celebrate the yearly Pastover. Though Phil had reluctantly agreed to release the last paychecks, as soon as Mosey led the short-order cooks out of the diner, he changed his mind. Phil chased after them, all the way to a giant red puddle of spaghetti sauce that had been left over from the first plague. The FSM parted the Red Puddle for Mosey, but He didn't notice that Phil was hot on his heels. This led to Phil being rolled up into a giant meatball. Mosey became "Pirate Mosey," and later dried pasta fell from the skies like manna, which is Hebrew for "monster. Pirate Mosey really wanted that Pirate ship, and putting all labor issues aside he declared his band to now be Pirates, and he led the Pirates up to the top of Mount Salsa, where he thought there might be a good chance of finding the Pirate ship he'd been searching for all these years. But they didn't find the ship, and the people didn't know how to act like Pirates—after all, they were really just a bunch of short-order cooks— and the FSM came down and declared that they'd better clean up their act, because real Pirates belonged on the open seas, not on a mountain. And Pirate Mosey was embarrassed and wouldn't come down from the mountain, even though the rest of his band took the FSM's advice and went down into the town at the bottom of Mount Salsa to wait for their captain. Finally, the FSM got completely fed up, and He visited Mosey on the mountaintop and told him where to find the sea, and, after admitting that it had been a long haul since Creation and that maybe he'd even rethink some of His decisions if he had it to do all over again. After this, the FSM gave Mosey ten stone tablets that told him advice on what to do called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts". Mosey also called these the "Commandments" but the rest of the pirate crew got confused and called them "Condiments". Mosey began to climb down Mount Salsa but dropped two of the ten Condiments leaving only eight, which is why Pastafarians have such flimsy morals standards. They soon bought a vessel from the Roman Navy, which they deemed a missionary vessel, calling it Lasagne. They began roaming the seas, storming vessels and kidnapping young Romans to be converted; if they did not accept, they would be held for ransom at a ridiculously low price - which no one ever challenged. Sadly, this would be the cause of Mosey's downfall. As a young man, Julius Caesar planned on taking a trip to Greece by sea. Unfortunately for him, the Pastafarians seized control of the vessel he was on in 75 BC (Sanitarian Year 1), kidnapped Caesar, and held him for ransom. Caesar was insulted at the ransom demand - which was disgustingly low - and promised to crucify the crew of the Lasagne after he was free. At his insistence, Mosey raised the ransom demand to a level in accordance with his station: his friends quickly raised the sum. After his freedom was purchased, he assembled a small army, which captured Mosey, along with a few of his closest friends, and crucified him. They then dismantled the Lasagne and sold it for scrap. According to the prophet Ragu, one of those who evaded Caesar's forces, Mosey's last words were, "Die, sir? Why, that's the last thing I'll do!" His body was burned and his ashes scattered to the four corners of the earth, by the remnants of the Lasagne crew; the first Sanitarian community. Category:Pastafarianism Category:Creed Category:pirates Category:Historical figures